愿望的代价

妈妈 患上 癌症 死去然后变成单亲家庭的故事 是非常经典的 故事。是的，是非常 经典 且 戏剧化 的情节。妈妈为了替家里省钱，而迟迟不去把肿瘤割掉，导致良性肿瘤变成癌症，结果最后被逼接受电疗，头发 似秋叶般脱落的画面，也只能在电视荧幕上看得见。

刚刚，我去了医院一趟，去探望我的母亲。第一次，母亲的冬至在医院里过。

我到底能为他做什么？我看着母亲消瘦的身影，思考……无论我做什么都不够好……我，应该怎么办才好？母亲怎样才会好起来？虽说我能替她打理家里的琐碎事，但是，我还是希望她能继续做。说来很难听，但孩子都希望做家务的不是自己。说得难听，就是 懒惰；说得好听，就是那是妈妈存在的证明。

作为一名科学系学生，我忽然觉得自己毫无能。明明是学过的东西，却不能活用知识……是我经验不够，还是没学好？至少，我想从母亲的饮食上帮上一点儿忙，可是我竟然忘了，癌症患者 到底 能吃什么？和 不能吃什么？

老早我就劝她把瘤给割了，可是她希望服中药能治好，因为手术费很贵，另一方面，她不想再进入手术室了。

本来，两个星期前，医生向她说不会有事的，但后来事情并不是这么乐观。医生不能向病患保证些什么，母亲应该知道的，但她还是选择相信医生的话，不会有事的。结果那百分之十的几率发生了。

私人医院的医生果然不是什么好东西……明明当时割除的肿瘤旁边就有另一个较小的肿瘤，可他并没有顺手把它割了，留下了 癌细胞 的火种。结果变成了现在这种田地……

这系列的治疗将会是母亲必须面对的一场长仗。再过些日子，她的头发会开始脱落，开始需要戴帽子……爱美的母亲能接受得了吗？这已经不是她能选择的事了……

基本上，母亲不会死去，但我的心底深处很害怕，害怕她会就这么离开，让我后悔没有好好珍惜我们相处的时间。“我都说过别再为我准备食物了！我自己会煮！”我这样对她说过很多遍，但她总是不听。现在，这段话一直在我的耳际回响。我发现，母亲煮的每一餐饭，做的每一道菜，都是很宝贵的。也许偶尔会想吃到名厨师做的菜，但比起母亲的家常小菜，名菜也只不过是月亮边的星星。

方才，哥哥抱着我哭，哭得我的衣袖都湿了。我嫌他烦，嫌他脏，还笑他，结果一个人的时候，自己不也一样？其实我没什么特别的感觉，只是害怕……

说到伤心的话，最伤心的应该是爸爸……以前，爸爸曾经说过节庆时从不送礼的原因。他曾经像其他人一样会很阔气地特地买些礼物送给亲戚朋友，不过，自从妈妈为了买礼物而发生车祸，他就不再送了。不懂原因之前，我以为爸爸很吝啬，但原来其中背后有着这么美丽的故事。

以前，我曾经怀疑过这个世界上，真的有不离不弃的真爱？父母之间真的存有爱吗？真相，其实就在眼前。深爱着妈妈的爸爸，虽然不太会用言语来表达，但他的行为足以证明这一切。

原来，戏剧也有它的真实……

重要的人已经开始逐一离开我了。这就是实现我的愿望的代价吗？看来，恶魔对我这份愿望还不是闹着玩儿的，而且非常有兴趣，即使说，这是一份很沉重的愿望……

The town with no people

The town with no people

A City With No People In this city... There are no people. The lights are on in all the houes, But, there is nobody on the streets. Are there people inside? I peek in a window to find out. There are people. But they are with them. I look in other houses. These people are with them too. This city is just like all the rest. Being with them is fun. More fun than being with people. Nobody comes outside anymore. There are no people in this city. I will leave this city and go to another one. I hope that I will meet someone. Someone just for me. But if that special someone falls in love with me... I will have to leave that someone. Even so, I want to meet that special someone. This is what I think as I leave the city with no people. ---------------- They Can Do Anything They... Can do anything. They are super-people made by people. They can be prettier than the real thing. They can be smarter than the real thing. They can be whatever people want them to be. Whatever people can dream of. When the people saw their creation, they thought that their dreams had come true. Then... People forgot their dreams. And in time, they invited people to share in a new dream... A dream they can't wake up from. But... Is that the dream that people want? Is that what happiness is? They... Were created to make people happy. But... Are people truly happy being with them. Is this city with no people truly happy? But... Are people truly happy being with them? Is this city with no people truly happy? I don't know. Because... Happiness depends on the individual. All people are different. No two are the same. What makes one person happy... Might make another sad. People's souls come in all shapes and sizes. And as time goes on and a person grows, Their soul can change. Their hopes and dreams can change. That's why... There isn't just one type of happiness. Then... There must be a way that I can be happy too. That is what we all want, isn't it? To find the person just for you, to find you own happiness...That would be wonderful, wouldn't it? ------------- A Wish that Can't Be Granted One day I went to a new city. They are in this city too. There is no place without them anymore. They people are with them. There are as many of them as there are people. But... There is only one person just for me... And I still have not found him. You are a person, aren't you? What was that? I should do what with my hand? Hold it out? Where aer you taking me? Is this your house? Why did you bring me here? Are you... The person just for me? You might be... But... Perhaps this person only brought me here... Because I'm one of them. Maybe he's just like everyone else. Maybe he just wants me to grant his wishes. But there is one wish that I can't grant. If I grant that wish... I would... Have to say goodbye forever to the someone just for me. ----------------------------- Someone Just For Me Just as I feared... There's no one here either. Everyone is inside with them. Being with them is like living a beautiful dream. A beautiful dream... That no one wants to wake from. They will grant your deepest wishes. They will do whatever you ask. They will be whatever you want. They can do things that you cannot. But... There is one thing... They cannot do. They can never become people. They might look like people, But they are only substitutes. I know this very well because I am one of them. Today I look for someone just for me. Someone wo has love for me alone. Someone who will love me even if I can't fulfill their wishes. But... There is another me. The other me asks... Does such a person exist? I need... Someone whose love for me is true. I want... Someone who loves me without asking anything in exchange. I hope... Unless the someone loves me for being me... They're not someone just for me. Is this so? It is. This someone exists? He does. If so... Then where? My someone is nearby, I think. Perhaps I already know him. But... What if that person does not love you back? What if that person likes someone... Other than you? People aren't like them. You can't erase their feelings. People aren't easy to change. I know. But people do change. Their feelings are dynamic. Feelings of love are more resistant than others. What if he never loves you? Then I'll have to decide. Decide... And then do what must be done. Me and the other me. ----------------- Little by Little Many days have passed since you... Brought me to this place. You still go outside, even when you have me. You experience many things outside. And then you come home and tell me about them. Sometimes, you even take me outside. Even though I'm one of them. You tell me that I can do whatever I want with my things, as if we were equals. Little by little, The time with you and me passes. Little by little, the distance is moving. Yours and my distance. Little by little, this space becomes yours and mine. But has the distance between us gotten smaller? Or has it grown bigger? I don't know I do know that I want it to be smaller. But then the same thing would happen again. It won't be the same. This person isn't that person. It's someone else, people are all different. Even if people look the same...They're all a little bit different. No two hearts are exactly the same. That's why the same thing won't happen. Then is that person the someone just for me? I don't know. But... I'm starting to hope that he is. In this place that this person brought me to... Little by little... Little by little... I'm beginning to hope that... I can start finding happiness. But... Someone will come to stop it. Someone will come to prevent me from finding the someone just for me. And... That person will take care of me, But it's not because I'm me. That person is kind. To all people and all of them, He is kind. Right. That person is kind, And probably not just towards me. But even if that person is kind to all, his kindness should be a little different each time. He can't be kind in the same way to everyone... Because that person is a person. That's right. A person's heart can't stay the same forever. A person's heart changes a little bit every day... Because that is their nature. It can be different. It doesn't always have to be the same. If he... Finds in me the things that make me special. If he likes me because I am me. If that person takes the time to find what makes me different from the others... If he likes me because I'm me... If that happens... We may be able to become something a little different from before. I may not have to lose what's most important to me... Like last time. What's most important... What's most important to them and to people... Is something precious... Something you can't lose. The proof that I am who I am... The special proof. That proof will tell me who my someone is. That special, special... Someone...just for me. I am you... And you are me. That's how I know that... Inside of me, I'm one full person. I am happy when that person smiles. I am happy when that person is near. Yes. I am happy... When that person is happy. That person is special, different from other people. You found it! The thing that makes that person special... That makes him different from the rest...is that he is him. I found him. The person that's precious and special... The someone just for me. I hope that person finds them. The things that he can't do because he is him. The things that he can do because he is him. I have found him. I fell in love with him because he is that person. Hopefully he will find them. The things that I can do because I am me, And the things that I can't do because I am me. That person will find them. And then... Hopefully he will love me... Because I am me. Out of all people and all of them... I want him to find me. And I want him to love me. This feeling inside of me... Is very soft... But sometimes it hurts. I become full of this feeling when I think of that person. Do you feel that way about everybody? No, only when I think of that person. What happens when you're with that person? I get warm... Like I'm glowing inside. What if you can't be together? It hurts. It really, really hurts right here. Like you're about to die? We can't die. We can't die because we're not alive. Perhaps not. But it feels the same as if we could. Because we are them. I hope we can be happy someday... When you find you're someone just for you. But... If we don't become happy... If the someone just for me knows all the things I can and cannot do because I am me... And he still doesn't choose me, then... Then... I will have to decide what to do... About you... And about us... What is wrong? It hurts. If the someone just for me does not choose me... I'm afraid the hurt right here will be so bad... That I'll stop working. It's a powerful feeling, isn't it? A hurt so strong it can cause you to break. There are no peope in this city... But... But through their windows, everyone looks happy inside. Are these people truly happy? And... Are they truly happy? I am surrounded by people who stay inside with them... All that I want right now, more than anything else... Is to be with him. The glow inside is brightest when that person is near... And the pain inside hurts more when he is away. I am happiest when I think about that person... I am saddest when I think about that person. That person makes all my feelings more intense. That must be what love is. So please... Let the person that I love... Be the someone just for me. ------------------- A Warm Heart This city has no people... But... The light burning in the homes... Is warm and bright. I am in a city with no people... But I'm not sad or lonely. My heart glows. I am one of them, but I still feel warm inside. That's because I love this person. The heart of someone who's... In love... Whether that person is alive or not... Is kind and warm. If my heart is this warm... If I can be this happy... Then I wish taht all those like me can fall in love... And that all of them will have their love returned. The love we feel may not be the same... But it doesn't matter when I'm with the someone just for me. If we can all find that special person.. Then the world will be a most joyous place. Then... This city... Will have no unhappy people. It's the special city that has... The someone just for me. Are you the one who is just for me?

Two Souls

Ciel? Alois? Who do I admire more? Both of them! ^^

Don't know why many people hate Alois so much. I thought he's great, no matter how he acts.

But how can Claude rob other people's (so called 'devil') dinner?

Mix up two pathetic souls together, mix up their memories, and the worst thing is...

He made Ciel forgot about Sebastian.

Even, he made Ciel hate Sebastian as he's the one who murdered his parents plus Alois' memories, he murdered his younger brother!

Though I like both of them, but definitely, I'm sure of it, I don't like their souls mixed up together.

When will Ciel remember how he should be? When will Alois come back?

Miss them so much...

Yana Toboso Sensei, how are you going to continue the story?

Hope you can make a better ending.

'Cause no matter how I'll still watch it to the end. ^^

Victoria

Kuroshitsuji II Op and En

I can't believe it!!! Ciel is still in Kuroshisuji II (at least his physical state)!!!
I'm so happy with this! T^T I'm very touched!

By the way, the opening: Shiver from Gazette was nice with the MV.
The ending: Bird from Matsushita Yuya is sooo sweet!!! >.<

I'm fall in love with it! OMG...
He's sound just so nice and successfully make the song sounds so sweet and touching. I felt like crying when I first listened to it and saw Ciel in the MV.
I knew I always can count on Yana Toboso-san! I knew Ciel will come back! T^T
Thanks for letting Ciel appears again (no matter in the story or the MV)!

Kuroshitsuji II News

Hey, everybody!!

Kuroshitsuji II is coming in July!!

I think Malaysia will have to wait till after July 'cause they actually changed the release date.

The official release date was 1st of July initially, but due to something, they changed.

The official website is www.kuroshitsuji.tv

Hope everyone can share the official news. ^^

Birthday to myself

Yesterday was my birthday.

Many people wished me happy.

Very ordinary.

The best present was given by my mum: RM50. XD

The second was Sook Yin's: "11 Eyes" DVD.

The 3rd were Xin Ya's and Mickey's birthday letters.

The same rank as the 3rd was from my bro: mobile phone bag.

My dad didn't even know it was my birthday.

I have no cakes and candles but I don't care about it.

Birthday doesn't mean much to me.

Days will just pass away even nobody knew it.

But I really appreciate the presents, thanks to all of you.

Fading days

Bonjour, comment allez-vous?

Holiday's gonna end. Feel disappointed. I wanted to study but I didn't, I wanted to play my violin but I didn't. Well... Guess I'm lazy enough. Besides of finished 3 anime and a drama, I did nothing.

Je n'aime pas... Je n'aime pas moi...

French is the only thing I've learnt in this holiday...

I learnt a song. It's like ABC, named 'L'alphabet (Chantal Goya)':

Apprends l'alphabet en chantant
Apprends l'alphabet en riant
Apprends l'alphabet en jouant
Pour qu'un jour tu deviennes le plus grand

AB-CD-EFGH-IJ-KL-MNOP-QR-ST-UVW,
Les trois dernières lettres sont X, Y et Z
Avec moi !
AB-CD-EFGH-IJ-KL-MNOP-QR-ST-UVW,
Les trois dernières lettres sont X, Y et Z

Vous avez bien appris votre leçon
Un jour quand vous serez grands
Vous pourrez lire de belles histoires
Et les raconter à toute votre famille
À votre papa
À votre maman
Et à vos petits frères et sœurs
Et aussi à vos grands-parents

AB-CD-EFGH-IJ-KL-MNOP-QR-ST-UVW,
Les trois dernières lettres sont X, Y et Z
AB-CD-EFGH-IJ-KL-MNOP-QR-ST-UVW,
Les trois dernières lettres sont X, Y et Z

Apprends l'alphabet en chantant
Apprends l'alphabet en riant
Apprends l'alphabet en jouant
Pour qu'un jour tu deviennes le plus grand

AB-CD-EFGH-IJ-KL-MNOP-QR-ST-UVW
Les trois dernières lettres sont X, Y et Z
AB-CD-EFGH-IJ-KL-MNOP-QR-ST-UVW
Les trois dernières lettres sont X, Y et Z.

Today is my bro's birthday, wish him a happy birthday. =9

HOLIDAY BANZAI!!!

Finally... It's HOLIDAY!!!! XD

I've waited for so long and finally...

Oh~ I'm so touched...

I would like to go for a trip...

To Europe countries...

But the reality is...

I can't...

Oh well... Never mind...

Maybe I'll go one day...

Especially Rome and Venice, Itally. XD

Say 'Hi!' to holiday! ^^

By Victoria

Approved

Yeah!!! XD First time!! My creation was approved by someone for a function! T^T I'm so touched... My drawing was approved my our vice principle, Mr. Nagayaya to be the flyers to Minggu Pusat Sumber! Lol...

But the bad thing is... I'm not paid! Arrrrgh!!! >.<>

Plus, I'm not allowed to drop my signature on it! T^T I'm so sad about it...

But anyways, this is my first step towards success, 'cause someone that is a somebody approved my creation. Hence, I think my skills is already good enough to make money. Ha ha~ Joking...

By the way, everyone at school will see my creation, or maybe drooling? The pharaoh was hot, though... I think this will be the best flyer ever had in our school. (Or maybe not) XP

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Is there anyone wanna employ me to be a designer~~~?

Lost

Once again, I'm lost, about who's the one I can trust or not. I feel lonely that I'm not suppose to be. I wanna be tough, but I can't. I've tried to be tough, but still, I can't. I knew I always loathe this world, and I'm always being rejected. They seems to be friendly to me but I think they don't. That's why I hate to communicate, always try to protect myself from being hurt.

Things won't going well in our lives...

That's life...

Life should be hard...

Like the old man once told us:

No pain, no gain.

Life is a question...

Decision between life and death,

It is hard to be made.

As Shakespeare said:

To be, or not to be, that is a question.

That so called 'Brenda' doesn't really exist,

Does she?

Are the roses really red?

Are the violets really blue?

Are the sweets really sweet?

I doubt even I knew.

Heart X Discover

我发觉这两天都似乎不停地发现新东西呢！
昨天我在演讲比赛里输了，
但我没有预期的悲伤，
我感受不到任何感觉。
单纯地演讲了，
单纯地接受了评语……
面对着评审的批评，
我都是笑着的，
由衷地笑着……
反之，
我发现，
我找回了从前的自己！
这是令我最高兴的一点。

我现在才发觉，
原来一直以来我所失去的，
是生活的意义、生活的方式，
丧失的是自我、成长的心情……

回忆录里记载着的一点一滴，
被赤色枫叶遮掩的那部分，
最重要的那部分，
终于一阵杨柳风将叶片带走，
重现了珍贵的文字……

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
今天我留堂了。
大家就别瞎猜了，
并非因为被老师处罚，
而是我第一次参加英文学会的活动。
老实说，
我从来没有参加过这么有“学会风味”的学会。
在这个学会里，
我感觉到一种“学会”的感觉，
我也不太清楚原因……

今天我们的活动是“Treasure Hunt"。
一起活动的感觉真好。
我今天才发现，
原来一个学会可以这么好玩。
以前我所参加的，
不是太累人，
就是太频繁。
而这个呢，
真的很有学园风味，
近乎我梦寐以求的学会……

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
变幻无测的青空，
五彩的浮云随风飘荡，
猎鹰盘旋在树林之上，
金色艳阳渲染了大半的天空，
少女仰首望天，
发现了，
原来……
天空是如此的广阔……

By,
Night Maiden...

最近的生活开始有点机会放松了呢！

之前还很紧凑的说……

虽然下个星期还有演讲决赛，

但是那个没什么大不了的……

难不倒我的！XD

（众人：哇~你很窜哦~）

下个月又要考试了，

所以我、美杉和小诗

（但愿我没写错名字……）

决定在下个星期五的运动会去McDonald's温习。

那边又有食物又有冷气，

我果然没选错地点，

呵呵…… ^^

至于运动会嘛……

当然就不去了。

反正也没什么特别事情，

就别浪费时间啦……

最近我在学校里都重复着一段话：

现在我非常需要一张床、一个枕头、一个抱枕、一张被和一个长假……

很累人呢~ T^T

最近欣雅和一些朋友联手写了一个故事，

令我着迷了呢~XD

因为我也出现在里边了呢！

听说我是个被囚禁的公主，

我爸（坏人的boss）要把我许配给可以为他办到一件事的人！

OMG！！

我真的很惨耶！>.<

金色の執事

相信很多人都很期待《黑执事II》吧！

真是让人等的颈都长了呢！ >.<

因为它是七月才放映的啊！

顺带一提，

那个日期只限于日本…… T^T

至于在马来西亚销售嘛~

这个我就不指望了。

还是下载实际一点儿，

又快又免费，

反正我又不是不会听日文……

哇咔咔咔咔…… ^^

这就是什么都学一点的好处！

....:::::......::::::偶系久违的分割线::::::......:::::.........

哟，一直唠叨个不停也忘了讲重点！

看我这老人也该是得个老人痴呆症的时节了吧……

唉，岁月不留人啊！

好啦好啦！

由于最近都比较忙，

加上我还有个演讲比赛，

所以现在能上网也是一种大幸了。

(废话一箩箩……)

.......::::::::::......:..:.

算了，先来介绍一下《黑执事II》的新主角吧！

(请看上图）

金发的就是我们这一次的少爷——Alois Trancy （奈々水樹　声優）。

黑发的就是本度的执事——Claude Faustus （孝広櫻井 声優）。

听说Ciel和Sebastian也会出现。

（虽然只有一点……）

故事似乎是有关Sebastian的过去……

非常期待呢！XD

无聊之作

好久没有上线……
唉……最近都忙到像傻婆酱。

也不懂是不是忙到痴线了，

每天都去弄人家笑……

最近美杉被我们感染了，

她也爱上了动漫……

还跟我借了《Princess+Princess》。

接下来她还要借《Rosario+Vampire》咧……

Add Maths 老师很废一下咯……

她的口头禅：

Feel the Add Maths! 做下去！好玩过电脑的！快点！

真的被炸倒了……

演讲比赛还有一个星期就到了，

结果我竟然还没开始被稿……

真怀念以前Choral Speeking 的时候啊~~

幸せの感じ

想起了
遥远的梦 ooooOOOOO 　是当初的梦吗？

その時の選ぶ　　いいのか？　　違うのか？
この問題　　　ずっと　　 考えてます。。。
けれど。。。

自己 被自己曾经说过的话教训是一种 耻辱
而最近的我 一直都在承受 这样的耻辱
“与其浪费时间后悔 不如放眼未来”
我 一直都是这样活过来的 不是吗？

どして　今の私は　その時の私と　違うんだ？
何か　変わるんだ？　何時か　変わるんだ？

不知 不觉地 变了 另一个人
感觉 真的 很不可思议

例えば　　　君たちと　　　　　逢えなくって　
私は 　　変っているのか？　まだ同じのか？
解らない。。　　　　　　　　　でも。。。

人类 就是这样的生物
得到一些后 就必须交出等价的另一些
炼金术 也是以等价交换作为基本的
人 从得到 到失去 经过了多次的 变换
才被称作 成长 成熟

不管 获得了多少 失去了多少
只要 能在最后 扬起微笑 问：
“那时的我 你还好吗？
还是 你已经不在了？”
那 就已经　　　　　很幸福了

多分　　　　　　　傷つきはたくさんがある
多分　　　　　　　　途中が泣くしちゃった
けど　　もし　　　　　　この感じはいない
どんなに築いた　　幸せの時　　悦びの時

或许 我的旅途并不愉快 存在着各种挫折
一直 我都以为 我 是最不幸的
突然 我觉悟了 我实在太愚蠢了
以前的我 不也说过吗？
也许 我的生命中 没有很多笑颜
但 也不是 最差劲的 人生
至少 我还能微笑着 面对过去

幸福 是什么？ 重要吗？
幸福 到底是
不存在的？
没被发现？
还是
被遗忘了？

Speechless

Too long never update my blog...

Dunno what to type...

Just be here to type something...

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This Friday, we (Mickey, Sim, Sook Yin, Nel, Weng Han-- a graduated senior, and maybe Bee San and Jia Yi) are going to Jusco, again... Same schedule, Greenbox then cinema for "Alice in Wonderland".

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

One thing I can say is... Being a Form 4 student is tired...

All I beg just let me sleep for a whole week.

人日

昨天是农历新年初七，

也就是人日。

在这里先祝自己生日快乐，

其他人嘛……

随便啦，

有没有祝福他们都无所谓，

反正也不知道他们收不收到我的祝福。

（偶是完全没有恶意的说……）

如果早十分钟写这篇留言的话，

或许还能用“今天”呢~

真是可惜啊……

都怪自己磨磨蹭蹭的……

啧啧……

昨天终于回到了放假以前的生活。

虽然是万分的不愿，

（也不知哪个混蛋发明了时间）

但是又必须继续为明年的高中统考，

俗称为“SPM”的东东奋斗了……

（也不知是哪个无良发明了SPM）

一如往常，

星期六就是补习日，

从一点上课到六点十五分。

还好补习中心有冷气机，

不然即使给我一百万我都考虑不去。

（还会考虑是因为看在金钱的份上）

今天一放学后，

我就赶到欣雅的家去出席她家的open house。

大家看，

我这是多大的牺牲啊！

我连家也没回就直接过去了，

我爸也有些不愿载我的说……

他说很累，

但我坚持想去，

虽然我也有些于心不忍的说，

还有想过不去的，

但听说哥哥在家，

就更想去了。

到那儿后，

欣雅看到我就一直狂叫。

其实我还真的有愣了一下下，

不知道有人发现了没……

应该不会有吧……

因为条件反射，

我就潜意识地启动了那条脑袋里最粗的神经，

配合欣雅，

一起大喊，

然后就是拥抱。

虽然我也不太清楚为什么，

或许以前和她一起玩得太疯狂了，

结果每次遇见她都会变成那种Hyper Mode……

其实我也很想改掉这个习惯，

因为的确……

老实说……

非常有损形象……

那里的长辈们

（欣雅的父母+邻居）

全都被我的举动给吓着了。

就连我自己也有被吓倒的说……

真是悲哀……

接下来就当然是要继续我的Hyper形象啦！

一旦形象毁了就要毁到底，

要不然会被视为有人格分裂症。

到时候应该会更糟吧？

算了吧……

在那里我是不可能正常的，

还是放弃吧！

九点半左右，

爸爸就来接我了。

本来我以为哥哥会陪爸爸的说，

结果他却杀出了一个麽XX Gathering,

就留下爸爸一个人在家独自对着那些毫无生命的电器。

真是苦了他……

要知道，

虽然他不善于交际活动，

也讨厌孤独，

这就是要让他天天开心的难处。

结果他来接我回家的时候，

不……不对，

应该说，

他从载我去到接我回都是板着脸孔的，

话都没几句……

*车上……一片死寂~~~*

回到家后，

本来打算看了几面《King Arthur》就睡了。

可是突然饿了，

妈妈又买了拉拉煎回来，

就爬起来吃喽！

形容得有点像僵尸呢~

呵呵……

吃饱不能睡，

（古人有云：吃饱就睡的人会变成牛。）

结果就在这里敲键盘敲到现在……

今年的收获

今年嘛……

由于大家都不能包红包，

因此我收到的红包就只有5封。

爸爸妈妈各给一封，

加上二姨、三姨和京姨给的

就只有5封。

5封啊！

是区区的5封啊！！

真是少得可怜啊~ T^T

可悲……

明明有那么多亲戚……

却……

*转身向后，背景变得一片漆黑*

不过在别的方面也有些收获啦！^^

就昨天啊！

我们去了“寿司金”吃寿司！XD

今年当然也有赌钱啊！

大人小孩不分彼此一起赌。

由于我怕输得很惨，

因此我以十角十角来赌。

结果本来没钱的我赢了RM5。

哈哈……

虽然没有赢很多，

（至少没有输掉）

但是最重要的不在于钱，

而是一起愉快地相处。

总结是

收获很少，

也很多……

新春佳节+情人节

今晚是年三十晚，我们家没有回外婆家（婆婆和夜夜都不在了，回去也没意思。）。

由于爸爸是一个不善于交际的人，所以在家自己煮会比较好。

不过名天还是会回去的，只是应该不会回爸爸那边的亲戚那里。

明天是年初一，又是情人节，

这种情况还是第一次呢！

不过多亏这样，

我才不需要破费送巧克力……

哈哈哈！！ XD

Marathon

Today, our school had organised a marathon. 5km for girls and 7km for boys. It's really ordinary in Malaysia. Quite a short distance, I can say. It was a boring morning. But actually, my true marathon just started after recess...

I swear! I asked the bus driver about today's time for return.

"Are we returning as usual tomorrow? " I asked.

"Sure! Do you thought marathon is a big deal? " he answered.

And today, when I went to the bus stop at 12:30pm, none of my "bus mates" were there. I thought maybe they'll come later. But after thinking for a while, I hesitated. Where were those primary kids? They should be here if the bus haven't gone. I quickly dragged out my Sony Ericsson and dialed to Yong Jing. After waiting for a while, I was told about the number was not in service, please try again later. Not a chance for me to give up, I called Jia Yin. Again, my hope was burst. Her phone was not reached. Oh My!! What actually had happened?? Two numbers are not in service at once? But what can I do? All of the phone numbers I have in the bus was just two of them! Cursed! I dialed to the bus driver as my final choice. The phone was linked. He actually told me: " What? You are still in school? Everybody told me you're absent and I left at 12:00pm. Now I'm already in Cheras. Ha ha... Go back by yourself, I'm not gonna turn back just for you."

Hence, I was forced to face the truth. I missed the bus. Fortunately Bee San still remained in school. Her mother fetched me to a bus stop near Batu Sebelas. I took a Rapid and walked for about a kilometer. Then, I was home. My destiny was so long, from Kajang to Balakong. Having a car don't seem this distance is long, but think of it, a mere little girl travel this kind of distance alone under the hot, gigantic sun, hungry, lack of water and having soar throat.

Is this my new year gift? If it's yes, I'll say "no thanks, I rather don't receive any presents." Am I going to start my new year like this? Then this year will be the worst year I ever had.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

When I was waiting for Bee San, I saw her leader (her KRS leader). I thought he was familiar. But I couldn't think of who was he. When I was on my road getting home, I suddenly realized. He was one of the member of violin club! I was the AJK in the club. No wonder I feel familiar with him. Gee...

Phemelia Online

Phemelia here. As usual I'm staying 'in', rather than 'with', Victoria and Gabriella. Permission was given for my appearance today. She said she's tired and wanted to rest for a while so I'm allowed to appear. Sorry Gabriella, I know you wanna come with me, but this body just allows one soul to appear once. Hence, please understand, I'm not wanting to rule the entire body. You knew that.

Since my chance to appear is very few, no one would realize about my existence. Let me introduce myself to everyone. I am Phemelia, a trapped soul. Time isn't affecting me so I have no idea how old am I. Compare to Victoria and Gabriella, I am more quiet and imaginative. I live in the deepest of the core but I don't feel lonely. That's the potential in me.

Victoria is stubborn and self-centered, most likely an empress among us. i hope she won't get angry with me when she sees this. Ha ha...

Gabriella is more passionate. Always attracted by historical stories or mysteries. A cute-ty...

黒執事II

According to related websites, Kuroshitsuji II is coming in July.

To all Ciel's or Sebastian's fans...

Please...

Don't stop supporting Kuroshitsuji II,

though i have a bad news for you all.

I'm very sorry to tell that...

Ciel and Sebastian aren't going to be the main characters anymore.

I'm very sad too because I'm also Ciel's fan. T^T

Maybe they'll keep on showing up because the new main characters (Alois Trancy by Nana Mizuki and Claude Faustus by Sakurai Takahiro) were revealed in the first season.

Alois Trancy is a boy with blonde hair...

That is the only thing I know...

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

If the boy can compete with Ciel,

then I'll accept him...

If not...

Blaaaa!!!

I can do nothing and keep watching it! XD

本当に君を大好き！！

きゃあああああ～～～！！！
恋だせ！　>.<

＝－＝－＝－＝－＝－＝－＝

ごめんなさい。。。
恋のことは嘘。
ははは。。。

＝－＝－＝－＝－＝－＝－＝

平行線。。。
_________

ずっとの平行線
君はとても遠くに
君を触れてくない
とても寂しい
私の涙が流れる
君の唇に落ちる
それは私の魂
私と君の誓い

何時か
君のそばに行こう
君といっしょに

TOUSHIROU IS ALWAYS THE BEST!! XD

I think... Maybe now it's the time to face my form 4 lifetime. Okay... Truthfully, I can tell that I hate my class now. But what can I do more than staying here like a porcelain doll? Everybody are getting used to their class and they feel comfortable to stay where they are now. Just me, only me... Arguing about my life. Everyday.... I forced myself to love, or more likely, like my class. Try to tell myself there's nothing to make me loathe it. Things just usually turns out against our wishes. The thing I hated the most in my life just popped out!! ARRRRRGH!! Why must I have to be in the same class with them? If I know this will happen, I'll definitely keep revision like hell last year! Staying in the same class with those geeks is as living in hell! I'll definitely switch my class to 4A or 4D next year!

But the good thing is luckily I still have Bee San. I'm so touched... Though I don't like her talking style. I hate those rude words. But still, she is a good girl. A good friend to have. At least she doesn't like those geeks... Running here and there, shouting like Tarzan in the jungle, being rude to the teachers, being immature, acting like fools, talking about love while they don't really understand the meaning and so on... Except Bee San and another few girls, I hate all of them! Especially boys. If they are only having problem with their looks, I won't care, because they don't bother me. But they can even welcome their 'same species' to our class during the middle of the class and having party like nothing happens. Oh Artemis! My guardian goddess! Please! Please tell me! When will my life get rid of them? When will things turn better? Sadness surrounding my life...

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

说完了我的伤心事后，
事情就应该告一段落了。

再说下去我会更难过…… 笑一个！

Kyaa~~ XD

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

虽然这不是真正的作者的原创品，

但是这位朋友似乎画得不错。

虽然要比得上原作还差得远，

不过我非常欣赏他把冬狮郎画得这么唯美。

偶滴王子啊！雪中的小提琴王子！>.<

果然冬狮郎是最帅滴！

冬狮郎万岁！！！

The Scene Outside My Window

I was always closed in my room

In the darkness all by alone

All I ever knew was

Living in this world is pitiful

This world is full of pain, sorrow, despair

The days we live is in the hands of Diablo

Wraiths and vampires are coming for us

Everyone is suffering in the pit of hell

I have no enough courages

No courage to see the outside world

I do not dare to open the door

To prevent being caught by Mephisto's army

But I told myself

Not to worry

Not to afraid

Everything will be holy alright

The sun might burns

But it's warm is not to be doubt

The rain might flood

But it's refreshment in the air

Can be feel beyond our skin

The snow might hurts

But the scene it made

Will warm our relationship

The courage in me was growing

Growing little by little

Now I am brave enough

Brave enough to see this world with my own eyes

I knew it I will be regret

Regret that I have not see this world

Being coward living in the darkness

Hence, I want to know this world

Slowly discover this mystery

Take off the cloth that had covered my eyes

I took my first step

I opened the window in my room

The light is too bright for my eyes

My eyes cannot bear the pain

I close the window immediately

I slowly open the window again

When I fully open my window

I can see how pretty is there

Outside my window

The widow, the flowers

The ocean, the wave

The sky, the clouds

I am grateful that I had opened my window

If I hadn't opened it

I won't get to know

The beauty of the scene

Outside my window...

New Life

New in Form 4. I'm getting used to it now.

After the first week, i still only having Bee San as my friend... Ha ha...

The girls are nothing, but the boys are... haiz...

I think i'm not gonna get any of them as my friends.

I'm SERIOUSLY facial-conscious... lol

Most of the teachers are nice... But the PJ teacher...

Aww... She is soo... Arrrrrrgh!! >.<

What's wrong with her? That lioness!!

Shouting here and there! Talking like crazy woman!

Demanding us what she likes! WTH!! The boys are going for exercise and girls are only staying in the class! What does this mean? Huh? Girls cannot exercise? No wonder she has a huge belly...

Oh yeah, just finished Van Alen Legacy yesterday... Nice.

But there's going to have the 5th book... T^T Endless story...

Never mind... As long as it's a nice story.

Thanks to Andrew, he gave me Ave Maria's score. Love it so much. ^^

He even printed for me the whole score! Ahh!! XD

Really very thanks to him!! Love him so much! lolz...

(Not that kind of affection. Just he give me what I wanted for so much.) Ha ha.

School Life

I am in Science class. Dunno who said I am in ICT... But never mind. Due to transport problem, Sook Yin will have to change to our class. A little happy, but still have to wait and see.

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

"Do you mind about him?"

"Maybe..."

"Why? Because you have a crush with him?"

"I don't think so."

"Then why?"

"Because he is my friend I care about. Just like him as my friend and nothing."

"Really? Tell me seriously."

"I... ermm... I... Maybe not but I'll take it as the answer 'yes'."

"Why do you wanna fool yourself?"

"Because I think that is just a dream and I'll wake up anyway... One day..."

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

*Due to time problem, this post will not have any pictures.

2010, Start My Solo Play

This year I'll be totally alone, 'cause Sook Yin, Jia Yi and Sim aren't by my side.

Lonely... I am so lonely... I have nobody... Now on my own~~ Oh~ Woo~

Sorry for my behavior. To sad... T^T

Okay, there's something I wanna say.

First, I heard that I'm gonna get into ICT. Duh? What's going on? I thought I'm going to Science. Zzz... Those teachers really are s*upi*... I think the form we had applied earlier to choose our stream was gone into the dustbin... If I am really going to ICT, I'll go to change it!! DEFINITELY! Sook Yin, Sim, wait for me!! >.<

Due to the teacher's careless and stupidity, I want to pity Andrew too. 'Cause he is going to KC stream... But he's Chinese is hell bad. Poor Andrew...

Second, if I'm gonna live without my friends for the following days, that means... I'm gonna be SOLO! Our 'Ki Siao Group Of Four' is being separated. NOOOO!!!!!!!!! I feel desperate... *Lacrimosa* My animation will just left mine alone... T^T

Third, in my new class, I just know some of them but none of my friends are in it. Too bad... I'm gonna miss my buddies... Adios, my friends... Though we just stay together for a short year, but it was really a great year. We laugh together, teasing each other, doing those stupid things, being mad like crazy girls, mad with anime... But I'll definitely miss those days. I'll never ever forget what we had done together. Though my results aren't ideal, but when I am sad, you guys are always by my side. Thank you all, for giving me such a good memories.

Now we are apart, but I hope we can still forward our dream, the dream we share together... 'Royal Prunus Cooperation'!! Ha ha... ^^

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Now, I wanna leave some message to my friends...

Sook Yin: I dunno if we can stay together again, but I'll try my best to change to your class if I'm in ICT. Thanks for the past two years. If aren't you, I'll definitely bored to death. You shared my journey, you shared my dream. It's good to have you as a friend.

Sim: Having you as my friend and one of our 'Ki Siao Group Of Four' is a great thing. Though you are always mad about Hero and Jonas Brothers, you still remember who are we... (Thank God you haven't mad till forget us) But if the play is success, we'll having more time together. Anyway, thanks for your novels.

Jia Yi: Ah... An anime fan... A big one... Best in teasing... Lol, don't loathe me after you watch this. You are always covering your head with books. Don't know why you can read those books so fast. But you really are a clown for me, sometimes. Teasing and flirting with Sim and Sook Yin was the best thing you've ever done. I love that part. Watching their expressions is always interesting to me. Well done!!

Though we can still meet in school, but the time isn't much. Miss you guys. Without you all, this year is going to be hard.